Refeathering NOT Empty Nesting

We dropped off our twins off at college this week.  For the first time since September of 1994 there are no children living in our house.  My husband and I have had countless people comment to us over the past few weeks about how we would soon be empty nesters.  The more I hear the term empty nester though the less I like it.  Webster’s Dictionary tells me the term was first used in 1962 and means “a parent whose children have grown and moved away from home.”  I’m good with that.  I think my problem is with the word “empty.”

Webster’s definition of “Empty”:
1 a : containing nothing
b : not occupied or inhabited
c : unfrequented
d : not pregnant
e : null
2 a : lacking reality, substance, meaning, or value : hollow
b : destitute of effect or force
c : devoid of sense : foolish
3 : hungry
4 a : idle
b : having no purpose or result : useless
5 : marked by the absence of human life, activity, or comfort

I don’t know about you, but when I read the above definition, there seems to be nothing positive about this word (that is with the exception of “not pregnant” which for me at my age is a very positive thing indeed!) When people ask, “Whatever will you do with yourselves now that you’re empty nesters?”, it seems the focus is on the “empty”.  My husband and I are choosing to focus instead on the “nest”.  Our “nest” is still occupied and I am also happy to say there is nothing about my life that could be defined as “empty” right now.

Instead of empty nesting, my husband and I have agreed we are entering a phase of refeathering our nest.   Refeathering is about growth and rebuilding, not emptiness.  This refeathering has both physical and mental health components.   Physically we are using the extra time available in our days to eat more healthily, exercise and continue to get into the best physical shape we’ve been in in years.  We also plan to declutter our home even more so that we are not bogged down by having to care for excess stuff.  Mentally, we are using our new found time in our days to get additional sleep and to exercise our minds by studying topics of interest to us. Refeathering is about recharging our physical and mental batteries so we can be the best for ourselves, each other and others in our lives.

Nests, like feather pillows, tend to lose feathers over the years and we are in the process of replenishing our nest to make it stronger and more supportive.  Refeathering is active and important work and there is nothing empty about it.    I always expect my nest to be full, it will just be filled differently at different stages of my life.   So, if our paths cross in the next few months please don’t ask me about being an empty nester.  Instead, please ask me how the refeathering is going.